Wanting something gets us nowhere. Yet, I frequently find myself sitting in my basement getting frustrated that whatever I want isn’t showing up. Achieving most things requires putting in consistent work. I know this isn’t a groundbreaking revelation, but it is sort of frustrating that it seems that I (and most of us) haven’t really learned that lesson.
- We want to lose weight, but don’t want to put in the daily work to eat the right foods.
- We want to meet our heroes, but don’t put any effort in to tracking them down.
- We want to spend more time with our family, but don’t structure our time to make it happen.
I stole a page from Marshall Goldsmith and started asking myself a series of daily questions. These questions ensure I’m paying attention to the important things in my life. They change somewhere between one to two times a year depending on what I’m working on and what I feel is important.
My daily questions
I didn’t intend to break them up, but they do kind of fall into some natural categories. As I mentioned, the purpose is to make sure I’m staying on track with the things that are most important to me throw the distracting whirlwind of daily activities.
Values
- Did I do my best to live my day with purpose?
- Did I reach out to someone today?
- Did I do my best to lean into vulnerability?
- Did I do my best to lean into kindness
- Did I give anyone a real thank you or a compliment?
Rituals
- Did I do my 3-Wins ritual
- Did I do my 1/10/10/10 ritual
- Did I do my shutdown ritual?
- Did I timeblock my day?
- Did I complete my “one thing?”
Other behaviors tied to my annual or quarterly goals
- Did I write?
- Did I eat well?
- Did I exercise?
The outcomes aren’t always pretty
Goldsmith himself talks about how he ends up with long runs of low scores. I do too. It sucks. But, it causes me to reevaluate my goals. Is this something that is actually important to me? Why do I want this but never seem to do it? Sometimes the way I’m living my life is out of alignment with what I want. This is when I need new habits. Other times, I’ve shifted what I want and these questions are no longer in alignment with me. In that case, it is time for new questions.
A note on follow through by someone who struggles with it
Glodsmith has someone call him at the end of the day to walk through this list. That makes it easy. I, on the other hand, put it in my nightly shutdown. I’m usually good at this, but when things get a little out of control (back-to-back trips, covid, etc.), my routines spin out of sync. It can sometimes take a few weeks for me to get everything back up and running.
As my old meditation teacher used to say, if you notice that you’re not meditating, treat it as a win. You are becoming more observant! Tim Gallwey, author of The Inner Game of Tennis, would encourage me to observe non-judgmentally. Ie, give myself the space to respond. A strange concept! I think he would argue that we can overcoach ourselves as easily as we can others.
In any case, I know I’m not going to be perfect. I’m shooting for directionality. When I find I’m beating myself up over this, it tends to lock me up even more.
Thanks to Jean-Daniel Calame for his photo of the Matterhorn in sunlight.