We’ve all been at the place when someone’s advice lands flat. It’s well meaning, and could even be “the right thing to do.” If we’re not in the right place to hear it, we push back against it or, even worse, we cede control and have the other person make our decisions for us.
The challenge is that we have an inbuilt instinct to help. Somewhere, deep down inside of us, there is an urge to help our fellow humans. This is a tremendous affirmation that we humans are ok after all. We are here for each other! Unfortunately, sometimes, we don’t need the help (even if we want it and ask for it).
The Righting Reflex
I was introduced to the concept of the Righting Reflex in Adam Grant’s book, Think Again. It apparently comes from Miller and Rollnick’s book, Motivational Interviewing. It is basically the urge most of us have to jump in and solve problems. As entrepreneurs, we have overdeveloped Righting Reflexes. It’s what we do.
Of course, there are plenty of times when solving problems is the right thing to do. However, there are other times when team members, family members, and sometimes even customers, come to us, that they are looking for help exploring a problem space than they are looking for a solution.
What Grant (and I’m guessing Miller and Rollnick) argue is that it is better to back off and get curious. By asking problems that understand the problem space, we “encourage them to explore their options more deeply, recognize more nuances in them, and share more openly.” When we propose a solution, we end up taking charge. This leads to either someone ceding control of their own decision or pushing back against the suggestion.
The Entrepreneur’s Organization (EO) has adopted a technique called “Forum Mindset” that guides entrepreneurs away from solving each other’s problems. It is a non-judgmental approach that seeks to understand, not to solve. It is antithetical to the Righting Reflex and difficult to master. However, it allows for exactly what Grant talks about. We end up in a place with our peers where we are exploring options more deeply, finding opportunities in the nuances of the problem, and sharing openly and freely among our peers. It is a very powerful place to be. It is also one where all participants have to work consciously to get to.
The Righting Reflex can get in the way of innovation
This also plays into marketplace innovation. If you have a new idea for a product, the worst thing you can do is start talking about your idea. You will get a bunch of useless positive feedback. We all want to help and to be encouraging. As a result, you will get encouraging feedback. It is very easy to be nice and not kind. It’s where our instincts drive us.
It is way better, as Rob Fitzpatrick talks about in The Mom Test, to learn about our community’s needs and challenges before ever introducing our idea. You will have more truthful and honest feedback if the focus is on your community, not on your idea. Options will open up to you that weren’t on your radar. You will find opportunities in the nuances of the problem spaces described to you as people share more openly about what’s on their mind.
A note to future me
Stay curious and out of the solution zone. When you feel your energy levels starting to rise and a solution on the tip of your tongue, use it as a reminder to refocus on the problem.
Thanks to Rob Potter for the upside-down picture of the legs in the tall grass.