In my last post, I talked about how it is so important to get started on doing the little things that add up to a big goal. And how I get stuck in a preparation/research stage and never get anything done. Frequently, this is because of my inner perfectionist.
Perfectionism has your second-best interests at heart
I will forever be indebted to Carol Dweck and her book, Mindset, for calling my attention to the perfectionist who lives inside my head. His misguided help frequently gets in the way. If this perfectionist had his way, he would keep me in a padded room. I’d be safe but free from all opportunities to make an impact in the world or to grow.
When I’m not conscious, my inner perfectionist drives. He protects me from looking foolish, screwing up, getting embarrassed, and feeling shame. He steers me away from the new, hard work I probably won’t be great at. Unfortunately, it is exactly this type of work that helps us grow. Just doing the thing that we already know how to do doesn’t lead to learning anything new.
In So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Cal Newport compares his guitar practice as a teenager to that of one of the world’s best banjo player’s teenage years. Both practiced roughly the same amount of time, but only one got better. Cal mostly played over the stuff he already knew, while the world’s best banjo player was always pushing even though it was awkward and uncomfortable.
Adam Sandler does a good job of my describing my inner perfectionist in the title track of his album, They’re All Gonna Laugh at You. If you want a look inside my head at its worse, his skit does a pretty good facsimile.
Voice of the oppressor
Anne Lamott has a great definition of perfectionism in Bird by Bird. “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.” I love the vitriol she throws at perfectionism. It has to be one of the biggest banes of a writer’s existence. Dweck is a bit softer. She encourages us to treat perfectionism as a separate person who’s trying their best to help and is just misguided in their efforts (like Adam Sandler’s mother).
I like Dweck’s approach better, as I’ve found pushing against a living thing usually leads to pushback. Strangely, this seems to apply even if I’m pushing against parts of myself. So, I walk down this road together with my inner perfectionist, trying to keep that guy calm and relaxed.
A note for the future me:
Keep an eye out for your inner perfectionist the next time you are trying something new. Remind that guy that we’re in this together and are going to learn some awesome stuff from the experience. Besides, if that Adam Sandler album can go double platinum, how bad could my work possibly be?
Image sources: Karsten Winegeart & The internet. Seriously, no idea where that image started. I think I saw it first in Ariana Huffington’s LinkedIn feed.